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How Jeremy Quaile's suicide changed the way I behave on social media
#1
A sobering article I think, and constantly relevant on this forum. We are very, very quick to pronounce judgment on someone who commits an offense. We are much slower to realize that our own reactions can be just as bad or worse. On this forum we have crucified people we don't know for offenses far, far less than Jeremy Quail's.

I guess it should just be a reminder that both the person causing you great offense, and you as well, are human beings and flawed. Prone to mistakes. Quite likely deserving of some grace and leeway. 

I edited out the first half of the article but feel free to read it yourself. The relevant part to me is the second half. The bold emphasis is mine.

Kudos to the author for recognizing and owning her mistakes and making an effort to change.


Quote:http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/calgary/je...-1.4658962

How Jeremy Quaile's suicide changed the way I behave on social media

I now realize how my knee-jerk reactions and careless comments could have played a role in his death

...
I read about what Quaile was like, as a person. I read his side of the story about what had happened to Knightley. I read about the massive reaction to the death of his dog and the horrible things people wished upon him, on social media. I read about the horrible toll this took on him.

My God, this was sobering.

I realized the Twitter rant I had just gone on, on a much smaller scale, encapsulated the problem I was now reading about. These types of knee-jerk reactions go far beyond our computer screens. They have an impact in the real world.

I realized I had been behaving like the childish keyboard warrior I had always looked down upon.

I realized I was part of the problem.

[Image: MTY1MjAxODE3fGN4by5jfGh0dHBzOi8vaS5jYmMu...IwMTgxNw==]

This brought up a complicated array of feelings.

On one hand, I was still angry at what happened to Knightley. The fact that her owner struggled with addiction was never an excuse. Knightley should have never suffered and died the way she did.

On the other hand, I was intensely regretful about my initial reaction to her death. What if my hateful comments were among the ones Quaile had read? What if one of my tweets or posts was the final straw that led to his suicide?

Of course, I wanted him to know how I felt. And I wanted him to feel guilty about what happened. But I never wanted to push him to the point of taking his own life.

I don't imagine any of us did.

It's difficult to calm down and summon your logic when the reactionary part of your brain flares up with rage.

But we have to try, as part of our ongoing evolution into a social media society.

And besides, apart from the harm my vicious comments could have done, did they help my cause in any way? Did they actually promote the protection of animals? Did they influence anyone to make animal welfare more of a priority?

I don't believe they did.

They only added more negativity to an already venomous online world.

[Image: MTY1MjAxODE3fGN4by5jfGh0dHBzOi8vaS5jYmMu...IwMTgxNw==]
Jeremy Quaile and his father, Allan Quaile, in Calgary in July 2017. (Allan Quaile)


I've learned from my careless conduct and I hope you will too. I hope the next time you feel that surge of outrage deep in your chest, you don't immediately let it travel through your fingers and onto a keyboard.

Instead, I hope you breathe and ask yourself: Do I know the whole story? What information is missing? If I write what I want to write, what impact will it have on others — and on myself? Can I channel this emotion in a more productive way that will actually help my cause?

And if you're not sure of the answers to any of these questions, maybe just get up, and back away from the screen.
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#2
I'm not going to argue that social media linchmobs aren't an abhorrent aspect of society, but I will need clarification on what exactly you mean when you say that people we don't know get "crucified" in here.

Are you talking about other members, or the subjects of stories that are posted?
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#3
Both. Do you seriously need clarification?
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#4
(2018-05-16, 09:51 PM)Nuclearsun Wrote: Both. Do you seriously need clarification?

Is this post meant as an example?
"I would rather have questions that can't be answered than answers that can't be questioned"
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#5
(2018-05-16, 08:48 PM)Limestoner Wrote: I'm not going to argue that social media linchmobs aren't an abhorrent aspect of society, but I will need clarification on what exactly you mean when you say that people we don't know get "crucified" in here.

Are you talking about other members, or the subjects of stories that are posted?

Subjects of stories. I don't think anyone here has had their real identity linked to some public shaming in the news.
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#6
(2018-05-17, 05:41 AM)Hieremias Wrote:
(2018-05-16, 08:48 PM)Limestoner Wrote: I'm not going to argue that social media linchmobs aren't an abhorrent aspect of society, but I will need clarification on what exactly you mean when you say that people we don't know get "crucified" in here.

Are you talking about other members, or the subjects of stories that are posted?

Subjects of stories. I don't think anyone here has had their real identity linked to some public shaming in the news.

There are a handful of members who are targets on here by certain other members that deride them for their point of view, their religion their political leaning, etc. Some members dig to the bottom of the barrel to call members racist, pro-rape, uneducated, to name a few, just to get their digs in and attack members with very little knowledge of the person on the other end of the screen and on severely misinterpreted posts. Like the response to my initial post, there are members that grasp at straws to get their digs in so they can get likes from other posters who display similar behavior.
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#7
(2018-05-17, 06:12 AM)Nuclearsun Wrote:
(2018-05-17, 05:41 AM)Hieremias Wrote:
(2018-05-16, 08:48 PM)Limestoner Wrote: I'm not going to argue that social media linchmobs aren't an abhorrent aspect of society, but I will need clarification on what exactly you mean when you say that people we don't know get "crucified" in here.

Are you talking about other members, or the subjects of stories that are posted?

Subjects of stories. I don't think anyone here has had their real identity linked to some public shaming in the news.

There are a handful of members who are targets on here by certain other members that deride them for their point of view, their religion their political leaning, etc. Some members dig to the bottom of the barrel to call members racist, pro-rape, uneducated, to name a few, just to get their digs in and attack members with very little knowledge of the person on the other end of the screen and on severely misinterpreted posts. Like the response to my initial post, there are members that grasp at straws to get their digs in so they can get likes from other posters who display similar behavior.

I think you're right, but that's a different issue IMO to outrage culture and justice brigades.
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#8
I definitely understand the point of the article. For the last few years, i've been at a point in my life where I used social media for news and funny pictures, but I never make comments. I make comments on here and a video game forum, commenting on any social media never had any value or purpose for me.

I get why people share information and while I wish it weren't so venomous at times. But when I wake up to stories like this

https://www.theatlantavoice.com/articles...ck-people/
https://www.vox.com/identities/2018/5/16...chlossberg

If I woke up and found out these people have done themselves in, I have to be honest, I don't care anymore. I'm someone who's struggled with suicide and other mental health issues for a while now. I look to my resources and support systems (even when I didn't know I had mental health issues) rather than acting the way some people do. I know dozens of people with similar issues who work their ass off every day to deal with their shit in a healthy way. If some choose to behave in disgusting manners, I don't have the energy to care for them anymore. I rarely share stuff like this on my social media, never comment, but can't find it in me to have much empathy.
If you need a sign to stay alive tonight, this is it!
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#9
Now here's another one:

https://www.roughingafterthewhistle.com/...#pid952471

So to the extent that we 'don't have the whole story', I suppose my opinion might change if it were made known that this man was overcome with a fit of rage, shame and anxiety, and feelings of betrayal due to his wife absconding with all of their life savings and running off with the Mexican pool boy. But if on the other hand he's just an asshole... then meh.

Maybe we just need to be more accountable for our actions these days? Maybe people who have traditionally gotten away with reprehensible behaviour for eons are now not?

Is that such a bad thing?

Anyway, just musing.

Good thread. It's a conversation that's worth having, imo
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#10
I have a bit less sympathy for people who go on aggressive public racist tirades than I do for the well-intentioned-but-oblivious person who just wasn’t aware of their offense. (I mean believe it or not, some people just don’t spend their days on social media keeping up to speed on all the micro-aggressions out there. And “they should have known” is a shitty and nonsensical accusation.)

That said, social media and the Internet have changed the game on the punishments that are being dished out for bad behavior. However bad the restaurant guy was, he was still non-violent, but he’ll carry the consequences for that one action for the rest of his life. Or until he legally changes his name. I think any life-long punishment is a heavy price to pay for a non-violent action where nobody could have been hurt. 

If it's not obvious, I would very much support a legal right to be forgotten that is in effect in the EU.
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#11
According to that NY story, this guy has done it before. Which has me wondering if he's actually called ICE on anyone, as per his threats. And one step further (i know, i know, lots of assumptions), if he actually got anyone deported. Hopefully not, on all accounts. However, if it ever came out that he did, I might not feel so bad about that price being paid.
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#12
The New York lawyer is definitely looking to ruin someone's life, so I have no sympathy for this piece of shit if social media ruins his.
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#13
It is a good discussion to have. Started texting my friends to get their opinions on stuff like this. Most of them are like me, we have deep discussions in person and never comment on social media stuff.

At the end of the day, no one wants to bully anyone (I'd like to believe at least), but I think some acts are bad enough that context helps show the situation but doesn't really change the way an individual's act is perceived
If you need a sign to stay alive tonight, this is it!
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#14
(2018-05-17, 06:12 AM)Nuclearsun Wrote:
(2018-05-17, 05:41 AM)Hieremias Wrote:
(2018-05-16, 08:48 PM)Limestoner Wrote: I'm not going to argue that social media linchmobs aren't an abhorrent aspect of society, but I will need clarification on what exactly you mean when you say that people we don't know get "crucified" in here.

Are you talking about other members, or the subjects of stories that are posted?

Subjects of stories. I don't think anyone here has had their real identity linked to some public shaming in the news.

There are a handful of members who are targets on here by certain other members that deride them for their point of view, their religion their political leaning, etc. Some members dig to the bottom of the barrel to call members racist, pro-rape, uneducated, to name a few, just to get their digs in and attack members with very little knowledge of the person on the other end of the screen and on severely misinterpreted posts. Like the response to my initial post, there are members that grasp at straws to get their digs in so they can get likes from other posters who display similar behavior.
You seem to be insinuating something with this post .
When someone says something racist or misogynist on here they usually get called out. As for attacking other members you should try to use specifics because from my recollections you are no angel here, so please quit trying to play the poor "us" card when it doesn't apply.
"I would rather have questions that can't be answered than answers that can't be questioned"
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#15
(2018-05-17, 06:26 PM)Lagavulin Wrote:
(2018-05-17, 06:12 AM)Nuclearsun Wrote:
(2018-05-17, 05:41 AM)Hieremias Wrote:
(2018-05-16, 08:48 PM)Limestoner Wrote: I'm not going to argue that social media linchmobs aren't an abhorrent aspect of society, but I will need clarification on what exactly you mean when you say that people we don't know get "crucified" in here.

Are you talking about other members, or the subjects of stories that are posted?

Subjects of stories. I don't think anyone here has had their real identity linked to some public shaming in the news.

There are a handful of members who are targets on here by certain other members that deride them for their point of view, their religion their political leaning, etc. Some members dig to the bottom of the barrel to call members racist, pro-rape, uneducated, to name a few, just to get their digs in and attack members with very little knowledge of the person on the other end of the screen and on severely misinterpreted posts. Like the response to my initial post, there are members that grasp at straws to get their digs in so they can get likes from other posters who display similar behavior.
You seem to be insinuating something with this post .
When someone says something racist or misogynist on here they usually get called out. As for attacking other members you should try to use specifics because from my recollections you are no angel here, so please quit trying to play the poor "us" card when it doesn't apply.

I see my words hit a little close to home for your own comfort. You have your head buried in the sand if   you believe people call it as they see it.
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#16
(2018-05-17, 12:13 PM)Limestoner Wrote: Now here's another one:

https://www.roughingafterthewhistle.com/...#pid952471

Wow. Coincidentally, I was at Row NYC in March and the food workers were speaking Spanish. I did not threaten to sic ICE on them.
Humboldt Broncos SJHL April 6, 2018
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